Our dashing hero, Austin, was painfully ponderous of his peasant past. As he slept, his subconscious plagued his head with doubt. How can they make it to the Cupcake Castle with the devious Dairy Dragon attempting to steal the Golden Spoon at any cost? Austin was only a peasant, after all, not a Candy Knight or Waffle-Cone Warrior. What if they make it, only to find that the Princess will not see them? How can they achieve their goal? He slept fitfully.
Meanwhile, miles away, the Dairy Dragon had lost the scent of Austin and his Pegasus companion, Jerod. Fantastically frustrated, he furiously flapped his ferocious wings as he flew back to Old Man Alex’s humble abode in the Mudslide Hills.
“If anyone knows where they’re headed, it’s that stupid old man,” the dastardly dragon thought to himself.
Filled with a newfound sense of rage at losing our daring hero’s trail, the dragon arrived at Old Man Alex’s house with a heavy thump. He grabbed the front door and ripped away the door and part of the wall as he lumbered in. His tail swung back and forth, sending furniture through walls.
“Alex! Come out before I turn your house into graham cracker crumbs!” screamed the dragon.
“Alex! Come out before I turn your house into graham cracker crumbs!” screamed the dragon.
Alex calmly walked into the scene of destruction, looking at the rotten dragon in the eye. The dragon stared back—and the staring contest began.
Seconds passed, and both of them began to feel the pain. Alex squinted, trying to provide moisture to his eyeballs. The dragons’s eyelids quivered and shook. Tears began streaming down each of their faces. Alex’s tears left clear streams down his face. The dragon’s dairy tears created chunky, cottage cheese clumps down his scaly face. Finally, the impasse broke as Alex’s eyes couldn’t take the pain and shut, providing instant relief to his dehydrated eyes.
Seconds passed, and both of them began to feel the pain. Alex squinted, trying to provide moisture to his eyeballs. The dragons’s eyelids quivered and shook. Tears began streaming down each of their faces. Alex’s tears left clear streams down his face. The dragon’s dairy tears created chunky, cottage cheese clumps down his scaly face. Finally, the impasse broke as Alex’s eyes couldn’t take the pain and shut, providing instant relief to his dehydrated eyes.
“Ha!” blurted the dragon. “I win. Now tell me where that paltry peasant and his poopy Pegasus are headed!” (We can all recognize that the use of “poopy” as an adjective is, at best, a weak attempt on the part of the writer as an alliterative word. However, the writer would counter that the dragon has an uneven, if not entirely limited vocabulary due to the nature of dragon education. We all know that the level of dragon education in the land of ICK is in need of a major upheaval. Lack of funding and limited resources have created an unfortunate situation in which dragons lack the basic education pillars of math, reading, and writing. The previous king’s initiative, dubbed “No Dragon Left Behind,” flopped because dragon teachers began artificially inflating the grades of their students. For more information on this subject and many others, check out the site www.dragoneducation.com. Now, back to our story. )
Alex opened his eyes and looked at the dragon.
“I wouldn’t tell you, even if you won a thousand staring contests!!” Alex shouted. It is difficult to know if Alex was really mad, however, because he often shouted things for no reason as a way of pretending he was mad. Some would call this type of exaggeration a type of “shock value” humor. Others find it simply “annoying.”
“I wouldn’t tell you, even if you won a thousand staring contests!!” Alex shouted. It is difficult to know if Alex was really mad, however, because he often shouted things for no reason as a way of pretending he was mad. Some would call this type of exaggeration a type of “shock value” humor. Others find it simply “annoying.”
The dragon, in a single leap, screamed and lunged at Alex.
“Clearly I have wasted my time!!” he shouted as he landed on Alex’s head, instantly killing the old man. And with that, Alex’s appearance in this story came to an end.
“Clearly I have wasted my time!!” he shouted as he landed on Alex’s head, instantly killing the old man. And with that, Alex’s appearance in this story came to an end.
The dragon then began investigating the rest of the house for clues—and it didn’t take him long to find something useful. In fact, in mere seconds, he found a notebook on (the now deceased) Alex’s table that was labeled, “Journal.” In the journal, he had detailed, repetitive thoughts concerning the adventure that Austin was on. It included possible routes and reasons for each route—but all of them had a single destination: the Cupcake Castle!
“I have it, at last!” thought the dragon. “I am going to fly to the Cupcake Castle and hide in wait for the stupid peasant and his rapping, flying horse! That way, I can remove myself from this story until they make it to the castle!”
He took flight, taking the shortest, quickest route to the castle, just as the Starburst sun was rising in the land of ICK.
The sun rose on Austin as he woke up from his fitful sleep. He was nervous for the adventure that he had placed himself in. He looked over at Jerod, who was munching some gumdrop grass.
“Can we really accomplish this?” he asked, his eyes tired and his voice strained.
“I dunno, man, but listen here. If we don’t do this, who else will, ya dig?” replied the Pegasus in his odd vernacular that sounded like a young middle class kid who listened to too much rap.
“You know what, you’re right! If we don’t return this spoon to the princess, then no one will and the balance of power in ICK will be…well…um…imbalanced.”
“I dunno, man, but listen here. If we don’t do this, who else will, ya dig?” replied the Pegasus in his odd vernacular that sounded like a young middle class kid who listened to too much rap.
“You know what, you’re right! If we don’t return this spoon to the princess, then no one will and the balance of power in ICK will be…well…um…imbalanced.”
After cooking a small breakfast of marshmallow peep eggs and some wild chocolate rabbit, he strapped his gear onto his back and climbed onto Jerod’s back, eager to begin the day’s journey toward the Cupcake Castle.
Neither was aware of the trouble that was brewing at the castle, for dragons can fly much faster than Pegasusses (I mean..Pegasus’..um, I mean, Pegasi. What is the plural of Pegasus again?) and the Rotten Dairy Dragon had almost arrived. As he was flying, a new plot was marinating in his milky brain: to kidnap the princess upon arriving at the castle! Our hero’s hellish, hurtful hike just horrifically became heinously more harrowing!
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