Posts Tagged ‘candy’

When we left our handsome hero, he was preparing for the long journey to the Cupcake Castle. He hastily hurried through his humble hut, hoping to hand the heroine (Andrea) the hugely important Golden Spoon. Little did he know, the Rotten Dairy Dragon was watching his every move.

Austin gathered up what he needed: provisions for the long journey; a Butter knife (a Butter was a small, rabbit-like creature that hopped through the woods in the land of ICK. Butter knives were particularly adept at killing the swift animals); a bow whose string was made from the finest spun cotton candy; and a sheath of arrows made from sharpened peppermint candy. He was almost ready!

He needed to acquire one more thing for the journey—ever since the Rotten Dairy Dragon killed his trusty steed, Eric, he was in desperate need of a horse. His first stop was going to be Old Man Alex’s ranch. Taking a chocolate-covered pretzel walking stick, Austin began the march to the ranch.

Old Man Alex lived on a beautiful ranch that was tucked into the farthest corner of the Mudslide Hills. It was incredibly dangerous to get to—one never knew when the hills would begin sliding down onto the path to drown any traveler in an avalanche of death by chocolate—so Austin had to keep his wits about him. No one knew how Old Man Alex was able to get in and out of the Mudslide Hills in order to get to his ranch.

Austin entered into the Mudslide Hills carefully. Giant piles of chocolate rose on either side of him, and he kept to the narrow path. Warily, he looked around for any sign of movement.

All the while, the Rotten Dairy Dragon kept watch. He knew that if he was patient, he’d have a chance to trap Austin in the mudslides and steal the Golden Spoon.

After an hour of careful hiking, Austin made it to the entrance of Old Man Alex’s ranch. As he walked up the path to the gate, the wizened old man opened the door to his graham cracker ranch house and met Austin outside. He was dressed in the garb of the hill people: an old sweatshirt on top of a flannel button-down with pants that had holes in them.
“It’s been too long, old friend,” exclaimed Austin as they gave each other a firm hug.
“Say that,” replied Alex, in an odd expression of agreement. “What can I do for you, young man?”
“I need a horse. Tragically, mine was killed by the Rotten Dairy Dragon.” Austin began to tell Old Man Alex about the discovery of the Golden Spoon, and immediately Alex’s face lit up.
“You must return that to Princess Andrea! I will help in any way that I can! Come with me.”
Alex led Austin out the back door of the ranch house and to a giant stable out back.
“Austin, I have something important to show you. You must tell no one about this.”
Austin agreed to keep the secret.
Alex continued, “Have you ever wondered how I am able to get through the Mudslide Hills to leave and enter my ranch?”
“Of course!” Austin replied. “Everyone wonders how you are able to safely navigate this treacherous land!”
“Let me show you,” said Alex, as he opened the door to the stable. As the door opened, Austin gasped.
“It’s…it’s a Pegasus,” he said softly.
The creature stood magnificently, strong and confident. It was completely white, with a splash of black fur over its heart. Upon seeing Austin, it immediately spread its wings and began to paw at the ground, excited by the presence of the newcomer.
“I have been getting too old to ride him recently,” explained Alex. “I think you should have him. He will allow you to reach the Cupcake Castle. His name is Jerod, though he responds to ‘Feez’ for some reason.”
“You mean, I can keep him?” asked Austin.
“He will be of tremendous help on your journey. And I am getting too old. Take him, he’s yours now.”

Austin was overwhelmed. He looked at the animal, and then in one swift motion, he jumped on Jerod’s back. Jerod became restless at first, uneasy with the new rider. However, it didn’t take long for animal and man to get used to each other. With his wings folded back, Jerod trotted out of the stable with Austin on his back. Alex walked up and, with a twinkle in his eye, slapped the Pegasus on the rump.

Jerod immediately took flight. With a sudden leap, his wings spread and he was climbing high into the sky. Austin clung for dear life, his arms wrapped around the creature’s neck as they climbed higher and higher in elevation. It was exhilarating, and Austin knew that Jerod was testing his ability as a rider. Austin immediately straightened up and grabbed the mane with both hands.

“Easy,” he whispered, calmly. “Easy, boy. Easy.”
Jerod slowed his ascent and began flying at an easy pace. They began flying away from the outskirts of ICK and toward the other side where the Cupcake Castle stood tall.

The Rotten Dairy Dragon couldn’t believe his eyes. He had been watching from the far hill, waiting to create a mudslide as Austin left the Mudslide Hills. But Austin didn’t walk back on the path—he took flight on the back of a Pegasus!

The dragon had to think fast…and then he remembered the scones. The dragon quickly began flying after them, faster and faster. As he approached the Pegasus, he opened his mouth wide…

Austin turned just in time to see the dark shape coming toward them. He saw the mouth of the dragon open, aimed straight at them. The dragon remembered that it had eaten some stale scones that morning. (It is a little known fact that, on top of the ability to breathe fire, most dragons can also projectile-vomit a fiery concoction of the food that they have consumed that day.)

The dragon, mouth agape, began shooting vomit-covered, flaming scones at Austin and Jerod. The stinky, slimy, sticky scones speedily shot with a sour, sick stench through the summer air.

Austin dodged out of the way just in time as a stale, flaming scone shot past his head.
“Jerod, dive!!” he shouted.
They dropped; maneuvering and using every ounce of agility they could muster, they narrowly escaped the dastardly dragon’s barrage of bile. But he was persistent and fueled by anger. He sped after them, still shooting flaming scones from his terrible jaws.

“Shoot, how many scones did he eat?!” yelled Jerod.
“Wait, you can talk?” Austin yelled back, incredulous.
“Of course! I am a freaking mythological creature!”
“Okay, well get us out of here!”

Jerod swooped downward again, enough to make Austin’s stomach churn. They flew faster and faster, away from the dragon. Suddenly, Austin had an idea. He pulled out some of his Oreos that he had gathered from his field and packed for the trip. The Dairy Dragon couldn’t resist feasting on chocolate sandwich cookies. Austin began throwing Oreos toward the dragon.

Immediately, the dragon wasn’t sure what to do next. He wanted to continue chasing after Austin and the Golden Spoon, but he also wanted to eat Oreos. To eat the cookies, though, he’d have to stop vomiting the stale scones!

The dragon, paralyzed by indecision, stopped shooting scones from his mouth and began distractedly searching for the Oreos that had been thrown. He dove toward the ground, combing the landscape for the cookies.

Meanwhile, Austin and Jerod had narrowly escaped. Ready for some much-needed rest, they found a place to make camp and slept, dreaming about what the next day of their adventure would bring.

Little did they know that the Dairy Dragon was not far behind.

To be continued…


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Once upon a time, nestled in the rolling hills of the Eastern Mediterranean, was a magical land called the Ice Cream Kingdom. This kingdom was beautiful—anytime visitors would stumble upon its beauty, they never wanted to leave.

Castles made of ice cream sandwiches stood tall and strong, rivers flowed of chocolate and caramel. It rained sprinkles and often, when it got really cold, frozen strawberries and blueberries fell from the sky. The hills and mountains were made of graham cracker crumbs and canyons were lined with waffle cones. Hanging from chocolate trees were red, stemmed cherries and the hillsides were filled with raspberries. The homes were made of peanut brittle and candy canes—and high above this land flew the rainbow sherbet flag that was adorned the letters “ICK.” (Ironically, the “ICK” stood for “Ice Cream Kingdom,” but sadly spelled the word “ick.” This irony was not lost on the people of ICK.)

The princess of ICK was a beautiful young lady by the name of Andrea. Every day, she read the book of Promise, which told her that someday her prince would come. Every day, sitting high atop the tallest tower in the Cupcake Castle, she would look out at the land, waiting for her prince. Every day, she waited in vain, because her prince did not show up.

Meanwhile, far across the kingdom, a young peasant named Austin fought one of his greatest challenges yet. He had been tending to his Oreo crops when he noticed, in the far fields, a mysterious creature that was devastating his field. He climbed atop his trusty horse, Eric, and raced toward the creature.

As he approached, he saw something far more disgusting than he could have ever imagined. It was the Rotten Dairy Dragon intent on making the Oreos soggy! The devilish, dour dragon was dastardly devouring the Oreo crops in a dervish of dairy disgust! Austin raced toward the creature, armed with baking soda and hot water to douse the dragon. The dragon noticed he was coming and, turning swiftly, shot a stream of unpasteurized milk directly at Austin. It was coming too fast, and Austin couldn’t dodge out of the way. He leapt from his horse, Eric, just as the horse got flooded with rotten yogurt. Sadly, Eric collapsed, dead. (Yes, I realize that Eric’s cameo in this story is short. I’m not losing sleep over it.)

Austin grabbed his baking soda, which had fallen from his hands, and began throwing handfuls of it at the dragon. Scared, the diabolical dragon flew off, screaming, “YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!!” as he left.

Austin went over to Eric, who was covered in stinky milk. He sprinkled some baking soda on the corpse to reduce the horrid stench, and walked back to his farmhouse, lost in thought.

“When am I ever going to find the love of my life?” he wondered on the walk home. After all, he had read the book of Promise. He knew that it was proper for every young man in ICK to find a bride. But ever since his parents died and handed the farm over to him, he couldn’t leave it. There was too much work, too much to do.

Years had passed him by since they died. He read every night—Shakespeare, Artistotle, Socrates—and had grown wise. Hours and days of farm work had given him strength. But he simply hadn’t found the woman he was supposed to be with. Visitors were few in the outskirts of the Ice Cream Kingdom.

He was so lost in thought, he didn’t notice the black object sticking out of the ground until he had run into it. He tripped over the black object and fell to the ground in confusion. Looking down, he picked up the large object, which appeared to be wrapped in black paper. As soon as he picked it up, the paper began to fall away from the object. He began peeling it back, layer by layer, until he got to the last layer of black paper. Wrapped in all of the paper was a golden spoon, more beautiful than anything he had ever seen before.

He almost dropped it in surprise! “This is the fabled Golden Ice Cream Spoon! The one that belongs to the heir of the Ice Cream Kingdom!” He began shaking, because he knew what it meant: he had to get the spoon to the princess! She was the heiress to the kingdom, and the Golden Spoon could not fall into the wrong hands.

It was up to Austin, the simple Oreo farmer, to restore the balance of power in ICK by returning the Golden Spoon to Princess Andrea. He gripped it tightly and marched back to his farmhouse to prepare the long journey from his farm, on the outer reaches of the kingdom, to the Cupcake castle where the princess lived.

Meanwhile, the Rotten Dairy Dragon watched from a nearby hillside. He knew he had to get his moldy claws on that Spoon and become the King of ICK.

To Be Continued…

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